BeSinFree Be Sin Free - Your Guide to Staying Sin Free http://www.besinfree.org/rss.php What Is Sin? Folks, I know I talk about sin alot on my little corner of the internet. This entire site, and my entire LIFE, is devoted to its destruction. But even after centuries of investigation, we still know very little about it.

Sin was discovered many thousands of years ago in ancient Sumer. There, the high priests of King E'toki were charged with the proper disposal of human corpses, so as not to anger their heathen, non-christian Gods. It was this way they discovered that the remains of criminals who were crushed into a liquid paste as punishment for their crimes were substantially different than the remains of those who were crushed into liquid paste because the king thought it was funny. After months of research and hundreds of people crushed into liquid paste, it was found that the difference was caused by the wicked acts that the prisoners had committed. These acts would forever be known as 'Sins'.

It wasn't long before a great list had been created of every sin known to man, and sins were banned throughout the great kingdom. However, for all their knowledge and wisdom, the people of Sumer did not have the foresight to worship Christ, chosing instead to pray in their heathen ziggurats to Gods who obviously did not exist. This eventually drew the ire of THE LORD, and he wiped the great kingdom of Sumer off the map in 2000 BC.

Sadly, much of the Sumerians knowledge of sin, as well as their knowledge of crushing people into liquid paste, has been lost to the ages. However, an important fact that has survived the ages is that Sin is caused by the manipulations of a being we know as the DAKR ONE.

You see friends, THE DAKR ONE is the ultimate evil in our world. Fortunately, THE LORD has banished him to the lowest circle of Hell, where he is trapped eternally in a lake of frozen pain. However, every sin committed here on earth strengthens him, and weakens the walls of his dimensional prison. If left unchecked, he will eventually grow strong enough to create a portal from his world to our own, like the TV show 'Sliders'. And like the TV show 'Sliders', he will bring with him an eternity of pain and suffering.

Now that you know a little more about it, you will be no doubt motivated to dedicate your life to absolving sin, as I have. The best way to help me and my divine work is to tell as many of your friends about this important project, and convince them to get their sins absolved. Remember, only you and your dollars can save the world from damnation!

Thanks, and remember to stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> 2008 Is The Year of CUSTER Friends, a new year is upon us. And though every year means another chance to do THE LORD's work, this year is sure to be particularly important.

For you see my friends, I have received a VISION.

Regular readers will remember that it was THE LORD appearing to me as a magnificent wheel in the sky that inspired me to begin my holy work all those years ago. And as that vision was the turning point in my life, this vision shall be the turning point in all of yours.

For THE LORD hath spoken to me of things to come, of battles to be fought against those who would rain sin down upon us like rain, and of great victories. Unfortunately I cannot speak more of it now, but I can tell you that the work we do here at BeSinFree will be taken to new heights, and BeSinFree shall stand as a bastion of good against all that is evil.

So put on your Jesusin' hat and grab your special holy underwear folks. For it is sure to be one HELL of a year.

And remember, be sure to stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> Custer's Back! Friends, I know your last several weeks without me have been difficult. Rest assured, my thoughts have never been far from the pouty lips and pert breasts of my flock. The thought of you slowly removing your clothes as you pine for a BeSinFree update absolutely broke my heart.

But you had to be tested. Your devotion to BeSinFree.org, and me, must extend beyond merely stopping by whenever it suits your fancy. Like voting for Ralph Nader, I had to be sure you would stand by me even when you were sure all hope was lost. And those of you who are here with me today have succeeded.

So rejoice, friends! You have proven to be worthy to join the ranks of an elite cadre of sin-haters. The DAKR ONE is surely quaking in his playpen of horror at the sight of your teeming throngs. As he should, for he knows we are to be feared.

Long live BeSinFree.org!
Maxwell Custer

]]> Stigmata Sickness In an attempt to get himself more in tune with "The Christ", Maxwell tried to artificially create stigmata. Unfortunately, his former rambling lifestyle left him without Tetanus shots, so he's a little under the weather. Like Job. But just like Job, he'll be back better than ever!

]]> Theo and the Geese REVEALED Folks, I know you've been waiting to hear the deeper meaning behind last week's fable. I want to apologize for keeping you on the edge of your seats, though I'm sure the more intelligent among you have already deciphered meaning behind the tale of Theo and the geese. The mysterious stranger is, of course, ATHEISM. Atheists always make a convincing argument, whether for accepting a pallet of goose eggs, or purporting that people have involved from simple apes. (I say involved because the E-word is one of the most loathsome curses a person can use in the lords presence). However, the ideas that they present are TAINTED, much like Theo's geese were tainted. And as Theo was ultimately poisoned by the bites of a thousand spiders, Atheists blaspheme's will work their way into your heart and poison your soul in the eyes of the lord.

So remember, never listen to an atheist. Though their intentions may seem benign, listening to them will forever damn your essence.

Thanks, and remember to stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> Maxwell Custer Hates Environmentalists Friends, lately there has been alot of talk about our need to 'save' the environment. They talk about 'global warming' and 'species extinction' and all other manner of atheist mumbo jumbo. But fear not folks, Maxwell Custer is once again here to cut through the fog to reveal the divine truth. And the truth of the matter is, anyone telling you we need to save the earth is full of horse manure.

The best proof of this is creation itself. At first, there was nothing. Then THE LORD created everything. He did not worry about needing to save the environment, or make sure that nothing was disturbed or changed. He did what needed to be done to realize his vision. He pushed aside the nothingness to make way for creation. And as beings created in his own image, THE LORD expects us to act the same way.

He wants us to warm the earth, and to kill off all the useless species he mistakenly created. Do you think its cold in heaven folks? No, it is not. Coldness is reserved for the deepest circles of hell, where THE DAKR ONE's body is trapped for eternity in a lake of frozen pain. And you can be darn sure that there won't be any endangered species cluttering up the beauty of paradise. If those flip-flop wearing envitro-mentalists had their way, the universe would never have existed. They would put a fence around the endless expanse of nothing, with a sign saying "Please Do Not Walk On The Nothing"

So friends, be not afraid of shaping the world around you. Remember, every time you chop down a tree, you are doing HIS work.

Thanks, and be sure to stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> Maxwell Custer's Religious Fables Friends, today I've decided to read one of my favorite Holy passages, the story of Theo and the Geese.

If you are not familiar with it, the story goes that Theo, an honest and hardworking man, once received a bushel of goose eggs from a stranger. Though Theo was suspicious of such a generous offering, he was quite poor, and in no position to discard such bounty One of the eggs, Theo soon discovered, was that of a duck.. After a short time, the eggs hatched, and it wasn't long before Theo's yard was filled with the gentle honking and quacking of the geese and the duck

One day, Theo decided to slaughter one of his geese for dinner. However, when he went to grab the goose, the duck spoke to him.

"Do not eat him Theo, for he is tainted" Theo, shocked but wary, went back inside.

The days wore on, and hardworking as he was, Theo found himself growing poorer. He soon found himself hungry for goose once again. But when Theo went to retrieve one of his Geese, again the duck spoke.

"Do not eat him Theo, for he is tainted". Growing irate, Theo trudged back into his house.

Several long and hungry days later, Theo again went to his backyard to retrieve something for dinner. This time, instead of one of his Geese, he instead chose the duck.

"Do not eat me Theo, for I am tainted!" the duck said. Theo paid no mind, and brought the duck inside. It let out a desperate wail as Theo sliced it open. However, to Theo's horror, a terrible carpet of spiders flooded out from inside the duck. Before he could even scream, Theo had been bitten again and again, over his entire body. As he collapsed on the ground, he lay alive just long enough for his geese to peck him to death.


Wow. Friends, if you're anything like me, you can't help but be moved to tears by this tale. Come back tomorrow as I unravel the deeper meaning behind this classic tale.

Thanks, and remember to stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> Listening to What THE LORD Has to Say Friends, as a powerful spiritual leader, people often look to me for guidance. "Mr. Custer, you're such a powerful spiritual leader, that we are looking to you for guidance" they say. I'd like to share with you a letter I received recently from a confused young man in Arkansas:

"Mr. Custer, as you are a powerful spiritual leader, I often look to you for guidance, and you have always helped me see the way. Recently I can't help but notice that the world has become a very confusing and ugly place. With so much anger and tragedy surrounding you, how can you be so sure that the spiritual path you are on is the correct one? Also, I hate my wife.

William C."

I'd like to share with Mr. C, and with everyone else, a quote that has helped me through many hard times, including the hatred of my own wife.

"All I know is that I don't know. All I know is that I don't know nothing"

Its from a song that actually says some very terrible things about Jesus. But aside from that, it is spot on. No matter how much we would like to, we can never be completely sure of ourselves. THE LORD designed us as imperfect beings, so he would have an excuse to cast those he didn't like into a lake of fire for all eternity. Your only hope for escaping this fate, and keeping on the path of righteousness, is to block out everything around you, including your own thoughts, and listen to what remains. For THE LORD exists inside each and every one of us, and an always show us the right direction.

(Note: If you do not hear THE LORD inside yourself, then you are likely an atheist. If this is the case, you should obtain a BeSinFree absolution immediately to avoid any fiery lakes that may be in your future)

I hope this has been helpful to those of you who look to me for guidance as a powerful spiritual leader.

And remember, stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer.

]]> Theory Number 276 On The Orgins Of The Universe Friends, I'm sure it comes as no surprise to you that I spend a great deal of my time pontificating on the formation of the universe. In the history of mankind, no has come up with a satisfactory answer to 'where everything came from', so I have as good a chance as anyone else of figuring the whole thing out.

Most religious people will tell you that God created the universe, and everything in it. Most scientists have will tell you that a tremendous space explosion called 'the big bang' created the universe. But has no one considered that both sides are right, and creation is a combination of the two?

Consider this: aeons and aeons ago, a being of great power sits in the vast empty reaches of space. For as long as he can remember, he has been utterly alone. Ultimately, the pain and emptiness in his heart becomes too great to bear. He decides to end his own life.

Perhaps God killed himself, and his death created an enormous explosion. Why was there an enormous explosion? Because when beings of great power die, there is always an enormous explosion. Japanese animators, some of God's holiest people, have known this for years. This explosion was, of course, the big bang.

You might be asking 'if this is true, why isn't it mentioned in any ancient holy books such as the bible or the Quran?' Well folks, you have to remember that we are THE LORD's children. And what do you tell your children, if, say your dog died? "Well kids, fluffy went to go live on a farm where she can run and play and hump legs". You tell them a lie thats easier to handle than "fluffy accidently climbed in the neighbors woodchipper".

So maybe God did the same thing. Maybe he left behind a set of nice little stories so our fragile minds wouldn't be warped by the horrible truth.

This theory totally explains the origins of the universe, but offers no actual understanding of it. It is also totally unprovable. This of course makes it a perfect fit with most of the worlds religions. Send us an email at besinfree@gmail.com, and let me know what you think.

And remember, stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

PS. Many people have been asking to become my facebook friend. The link for my facebook can be found here:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=530103888.

Feel free to add me!

]]> Product Preview - Christian To Muslim Translator Folks, today I'd like to share with you another one of the fine products currently being developed by the scientists here at BeSinFree: the Christian to Muslim Translator.

One simply has to turn on the TV today to realize that the Christian-Judeo-Islamic conflict is one of the major sources of strife in the world. Militant followers on all sides want nothing more than to kill those of the opposing faith, and to eat their hearts to gain their strength. BeSinFree is opposed to holy war and heart-eating, and is working tirelessly 24 hours a day to show that all sides have deviated from the true path of THE LORD.

In this vain, our technicians have nearly completed work on a device that would translate all Christian themed text to Muslim themed text in an effort to improve communication between the two groups. While it is still in beta testing, a preview of its functionality can be seen below.

Using what The Kaiser called "its-a-simple-search-and-replace-stupid,-this'll-take-me-like-5-seconds-to-code" technology (I'm not too up on his technical mumbo jumbo), any text written by a Christian is instantly translated into text a Muslim will understand.

For example, this:

"Our God is a loving and just God. He sent his only son Jesus Christ to teach us love and understanding"

Becomes this:

"Our Allah is a vengeful and vengeful Allah. He sent his only jihadist Muhammad to teach us pain and suffering"

See how easy it is? See another example below:

This:

"God says to love thy neighbor, and to turn the other cheek if he has wronged you"

Turns into:

"Allah says to pain thy neighbor, and to suicide bomb him if he has wronged you"

Finally, Christians and Muslims have a way to talk to one another. Yet again, BeSinFree has knocked a brick off of the great wall of religious divide. Look for this soon from BeSinFree Industries!

And remember, stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> How to face THE DAKR ONE Every street is. Dark and brooding. Like the eyes of the DAKR one. He sees all with these hollow receptacles. Like an evil Santa Claus. But there is no ho-ho-ho when he arrives, only the screams of 'No, no...NOOOOOOOO!!!!'

I first saw the dark one when I was working at a state fair in arkansaw in '73. It was near the tilt-a-whirl. My friends insisited that it was just a mother with her two children, but I am certain in my convictions. The way she purchased them cotton candy. It was so full of...hate.

And friends, the dark one is more terrifying than every story you have heard about him combined. Here on our 'PLAEN' (see my upcoming holy dictionary for a full glossary of religious terms) he must take a mundane form, but on his own plane of paen (copyright maxwell custer), one can see his true form. Being gifted in 'the sight' I have seen his true form on several occasions.

It is difficult to describe his terrible appearance in words. Imagine the middle school gym teacher that you hated throwing your family members against a brick wall. Their skulls shatter with a sickening THUD, and blood sprays across the surface. You want to stop him, but you can't, because your best friends in the world are holding you down, laughing uncontrollably.

THUD. Your mother's body slides down the wall lifelessly.
THUD. Your father begins to seize violently, but before long is still.
THUD. Your baby brother explodes in a wave of blood, whats left of his body remaining stuck to the wall.

Friends, I am sorry for making you visualize that. Rest assured I will take a harsh penance tonight to make up for it. But that is what it feels like to look upon the DAKR ONE. And we must all be prepared for it, for someday we must all face him. For THE LORD lets no one into his dominion who has not faced evil and looked the other way. There are no atheists in foxholes, but there are no cowards in heaven. Remember that.

Thanks, and remember to stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer.

]]> Product Idea - 'Now You're Married!' Cards Friends, I'm sharing with you one of the many ideas we're currently researching here at BeSinFree Industries.

If you're like me, you constantly see people who infuriate THE LORD by not being married. Marriage is, of course, the natural state of man and woman, and should be undertaken as soon as possible. Few things please THE LORD more than the state of holy matrimony. Mormons, who are some of God's holiest people, often take multiple wives. Once again, the Mormons are ahead on the religious curve.

But far too often we see people NOT married: bitter divorces. Spinsters. Single Mothers. While we here at BeSinFree.org can of course absolve their earthly sins, we cannot provide the lifelong happiness and joy that marriage will.

My idea for rectifying this is quite simple: a marriage card. On the cover it would say something colorful, like "Marriage means eternal happiness" or "The unmarried shall burn in the blood of the wicked for all eternity". Open it, and the inside reads "Good news, now you're married to [blank]" with a spot to write the persons name. Attached to this would be an official marriage certificate, sanctioned by an ordained minister.

Tired of seeing a boyfriend and girlfriend living and copulating in sin? Buy them a marriage card! Feeling sorry for that lonely old widower? Marry him to his housekeeper! Worried about that pregnant single mother? Buy her a card that marries her to the next guy that walks by! Its perfect.

Marriage cards. Marry anybody. Marry everybody!

Look for this soon from BeSinFree Industries.

And remember, stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> Everything You Know Is Wrong - Wisdom of the Crowds Friends, I have some heavy truth to lay down today. Small children, and those with weak hearts should leave the computer immediately.

There's no bones about it folks - The way we practice religion today is completely backwards. Its 2007, and we're still having priests and rabbis and ayatollahs and GOD knows what else telling us what our beliefs are, and how to live a good life?

Sure, rules handed down by THE LORD worked a few thousand years ago. But that was because GOD was much more visible back then. You couldn't take a step without him raining fire on something, or him giving someone a horrible plague, or him murdering for no reason at all. No, he made it abundantly clear that he was the boss and his rule was law.

But I don't know if you've noticed friends, but GOD hasn't shown himself in quite some time. Sure, we get the occasional 'Moses' Face Appears in a Jar of Peanut Butter' miracle, but whens the last time he spoke to you as a burning bush? He sure has heck hasn't to me, that is for sure.

And I'll tell you the reason for this friends; THE LORD, in his infinite wisdom, is letting us make the rules. He doesn't WANT us to follow the laws he made thousand and thousands of years ago: they were for a different time! They CRUCIFIED people back then folks. So why should we live based on the same set of guidelines? You don't make a 4 year old and a 14 year old both wear diapers, do you? Only if you're The Kaiser, and he has his reasons.

No, folks, THE LORD has decided we're mature enough to make our own rules. So why, then, does everyone still follow what a religious figurehead tells us? We shouldn't. We should be deciding for ourselves what the best way to live is, and what truth is. Its no longer handed down from above, but lifted up from the people.

Those of you who are well read will have heard of a phenomenon called 'the wisdom of the crowds'. It essentially states that large groups of people tend to make excellent decisions. Anyone who has watched "Who wants to be a Millionaire", and not vomited from the amount of sin on this show, will recognize this from the 'ask the audience' option.

And that is exactly what we need. A belief system that doesn't give the rules from on high, but uses the wisdom of individual people. GOD's laws from thousands of years ago were put in place so we wouldn't commit genocide on each other every thirty seconds; our society (well, most of it) has moved beyond that, and is ready for divine truth.

Stay tuned for Part II, where I tell you where to find this divine truth. And be sure to stay sin free!
Maxwell Custer

]]> The Holy Matrox Apologies, dear sinners. Apologies, most dear repentant. My last post appears to have been infected by The Holy Matrox, its divine bits leaking through the complex machinations of the Intertron to show themselves to our unworthy world.

What is the Holy Matrox? Custer could tell you more, as he is a much more imaginative fellow than I. Simply imagine the flawed vision of the Matrix (a ridiculous film so full of sin it was actually shot entirely on used Protestant condoms) but replace all the robots with Bibles and all the people with also Bibles. There's a lot of Bible in there, is what I'm saying. And that's the way it should be.

Sadly, this utopia crafted entirely of the word of God is not yet here. And so, the codes of the Holy Matrox are not meant for our eyes, and so I have constructed a filter to keep them from appearing. May it hold, lest our unworthy, sinful minds burst from the very weight of His divinity.

]]> The Jena 6 - Everyone is wrong Friends, one of my readers sent me this email recently:

"Mr. Custer, as a wise and deeply religious man, what are your thoughts on the six young African American men currently being persecuted in Louisiana?"

For those of you unfamiliar with the "Jena 6", here is a link to the story:

http://www.colorofchange.org/jena/

Now folks, let me be very clear about this. The Lord HATES black people. But not people who are black of skin. People who are black of heart. Violence between men based on the color of their skin angers the Lord like nothing else (aside from sodomy). And you can be sure that the racists of Louisiana have a harsh punishment in store for them. (I don't want to give anything away, but it involves a swarm of bees.)

That said, its important we don't let the pendulum swing back the other way. Don't forget that these six men ganged up on and savagely beat one man. Though he was taunting them, that is a serious offense, and I'm quite confident they will be disciplined accordingly. (Bees)

Remember, don't let your emotions sway you too far one way or the other. After all, if the LORD didn't want you to use logic and reason, he would have made us all catholics.

Thanks, and be sure to stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> Salutations Us3rs For those of you who do not know, my name is The Kaiser. I have been the administrator fo5 BeSinFree for as long as it has existed. Mr. Custer has asked me to respond to the large influx of concerned emails we have received as of late. With tod4ys hard times, many of you are worried that BeSinFree may be the target of attacks by religious extremists who wish to keep hea\/en all to themselves. I am here to put those phears to rest.

BeSinFree is completely handbuilt and operated by me alone. Constructed out of Spacely Sprockets and leftover pieces of the Nazi War Machine, it is completely bullet proof, Jew proof, bomb pro0f, fire proof, and J3w proof. It is kept sealed several stories below ground in a reinforced concre7e bunker, and protected by a loyal squadron of Hitlerbots. One c@ble connects it to the inter-nets, whilst another cable connects it to the Central Power. In short, BeSinFree is quite 1ndestructable.

So please stop sending us emails warning of the danger religious extremists pose to us. It is completely safe, as long as I am here to stand watch over her.

T. Kaiser

]]> Insomnia Damn I am sleepy and I cannot think of anything good to write I am just going to sit here and type a few lines because god dammit I WILL write something every day. I made an important promise to THE LORD. (please don't confuse god and THE LORD, as they are two different people. Read up on it, its in leviticus).

That should cover it for today. Sorry for this shoddy workmanship, but we can't all shine brightly all the time. Jesus said that. Johnson and Johnson 4:14

Thanks, and remember to stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> Be Prepared. Be Sin Free Friends, I fear that occasionally, in my zest for getting the religious word out, I forget what our purpose here at BeSinFree is: keeping people sin free.

Sure, everyone wants to be a good person. But when everyone is following books that were written 5000 years ago in a language they don't speak, its not 100% clear what is and is not a sin.

So if there's even a .001% chance that you'll be burning in hell, do you really want to risk it? After all, .001% of infinite pain, well, is still infinite pain. (If you want the calculations I did to prove that, feel free to email me.)

But friends, worry no longer. For the low low price of $1, you can have all your sins absolved by an officially ordained minister. Simply click on the 'Absolve' button above, make the necessary paypal payment, and type in your sins. Our ministerial team will immediately absolve you, and send you an official certificate of absolution.

So remember folks. Be prepared. Be Sin Free
-The Mgmt.

]]> RSS Testing Testing, Testing, 1 2 3 Can you hear me lord, its me Custer.

]]> Today's Update I'm afraid I have no great sermon today friends. I have been thinking heavy thoughts as of late, and it has severely interfered with my ability to come up with sermons that will inspire the mind and inflame the soul (which all sermons should do). Of course, we all occasionally feel this way during our lives, that our problems are too much and we need a break from the burden of our responsibilities. However, much as we would like to retreat from the outside world into the sanctum of our own minds, it would be irresponsible of to do so. For there are always people around on us that depend on us, that we cannot let down. As God told the crab people in Leviticus 21:11 "Lift your claws not for yourselves, but for those around you". And we too must lift our claws, for the world does not stop turning when life becomes difficult. Just remember that God is lifting his claw right along side you.

Thanks, and remember to stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> Maxwell Custer's Internet Sermons Friends, I come to you with grave news. My church where I have been minister for the last 13 years is closing its doors. Attendence is down, what with the new megachurch a few miles away that has a dairy queen and a starbucks. There just isn't enough in the collection plate to keep 'Maxwell Custer's Church of the Brown Beard' running anymore.

But do not be troubled by my plight, for God never closes a door without breaking a window. I will be transferring my preaching online, here, to Be Sin Free. Several times a week I will update this page with my latest sermon. (I may even have downloadable sound clips available, assuming The Kaiser can find large enough stereo speakers).

So do not be melancholy, friends, but rejoice! Be Sin Free is now servicing all your religious needs, and it is only a click away! Check back soon for my first sermon, its sure to be a crowd pleaser.

Stay well, and stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> Facebook Folks, for those of you who are interested, I have just created a profile on facebook. I know some of you are put off by things like 'stupid facebook groups' and 'stupid facebook people' but I ask that you at least give it a chace. I believe this is an excellent way to promote BeSinFree.

Just follow this link to add me as a friend, and help spread the word!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=530103888&hiq=custer%2Cmaxwell

Thanks, and be sure to stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> Max Custer Delves into Theoretical Physics, Solves Everything. Friends, this may suprise you, but I am an avid follower of scientific journals. I believe that religion and science are companions to one another, not enemies. Lately I have been reading up on astronomy, specifically, so-called "Dark Matter". Very interesting stuff.

For those of you who don't know, the universe is made of giant clusters of stars called galaxies. These galaxies spin around their centers, like everything else in the universe seems to spin. Seems pretty simple right?

Wrong. According to scientists and scienticians (but not scientologists), there isn't enough 'stuff' in the galaxies to make them spin. They have theorized that something we can't measure called 'Dark Matter' is having an effect on things. Now, so far, aside from the name, scientists haven't come up with anything relating to Dark Matter. But I believe I have solved it.

As everyone knows, when someone dies their soul passes on to the next world. Because the spirit is, by definition, lacking a body, it must consist of energy to exist at all. And according to einstein, mass and energy are equivalent. My theory is that this so-called 'Dark Matter is merely the energy of the souls of the afterlife affecting the universe that we currently live in. (For more evidence that souls in the afterlife can affect our universe, rent 'Angels in the Outfield'). Now, the afterlife so far has been unable to be measured, but we know it exists. Sounds alot like dark matter, doesn't it?

Whew. I'm sorry if that got a little technical for you folks, sometimes I get on a roll and I can't help myself. I call this "Maxwell's Theory of Affectation". If any of my readers know of any way I can get in touch with some sciencers to further develop this, I would be much obliged.

Thanks, and remember to stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer

]]> Dakr Times Friends, I come to you with grave news. My church where I have been minister for the last 13 years is closing its doors. Attendence is down, what with the new megachurch a few miles away that has a dairy queen and a starbucks. There just isn't enough in the collection plate to keep 'Maxwell Custer's Church of the Brown Beard' running anymore.


But do not be troubled by my plight, for God never closes a door without opening a window. I will be transferring my preaching online, here, to Be Sin Free. Several times a week I will update this page with my latest sermon. (I may even have downloadable sound clips available, assuming The Kaiser can find large enough stereo speakers).

So do not be melancholy, friends, but rejoice! Be Sin Free is now servicing all your religious needs, and it is only a click away! Check back soon for my first sermon, its sure to be a crowd pleaser.

Stay well, and stay sin free.
Maxwell Custer.

]]> Update Friends, I have been away for many moons. I must apologize for my absence, and I'm sure the lack of spiritual guidance has caused more than one of my lambs to stray from the flock. I am fighting my own demons right now, and rest assured that though I may not always answer, I will always be with you in your fight against sin. Stay tuned into this page, as more news from the war on sin develops. Remember, both THE LORD and I are on your side.


Remember to stay sin free.

Maxwell Custer.

]]> Beware The DAKR ONE Friends, I join you today to give a solemn warning. The DAKR ONE is watching us at all times, waiting for a moment to strike. For he loves sin almost as much as I detest it, and will stop at nothing to draw as many souls as he can into his murky PLAYPEN OF HORROR.

Why, just this week I was beseiged by the DAKR ONE's malicious presence. I was driving in my Cadillac El Dorado, the Max Romana, when I sensed great evil coming from the 1984 Geo Storm stopped in front of me. Calling upon my ministerial training (novices please don't attempt this yourself), I rear ended him. As any trained minister knows, the DAKR ONE hates fender benders, and he was forced to flee.

However, I fear the DAKR ONE's stay may have permanently corrupted the owner of the vehicle, as got out and proceeded to rant and rave about me hitting his 'fucking car' and me being a 'fucking cocksucker'.

Obviously beyond help, I began to drive away from him, only to notice a great wheezing coming from under my hood. Though the DAKR ONE had fled, he had succeeded in wounding the Max Romana. Tito, my pious mechanic, informed me that it would cost 1100 dollars to fix.

So friends, don't let the DAKR ONE claim this as a victory! Buy a tshirt or an absolution, and we can drive (ha ha) him away!

And as always, remember to stay sin free!

]]> I Have Returned! Friends, at long last I have returned from my pilgrimage. The things I have seen could fill a hundred issues of 'Cat Fancier', but now is not the time for such larks. Right now I must commit myself one hundred percent to the eradication of sin in all forms!

My thanks goes out to my dear friend The Kaiser for bearing the Atlas-like weight of the site in my absence. My return shall mark the full might of our zeal brought to bear upon the enemies of THE LORD.

Expect large changes to take place on the site soon. We thank you for your support, and remember to stay sin free!

]]> BLASPHEMERS! Some filthy Internet charlatans have taken our name and are spreading false idolatry! I wonder if our lawyer friend is involved? A certain 'besinfree dot COM' has started its own absolution business. Treachery!

]]> The Reverend is Back! The Reverend is back from his deadly and perilous mission. He had to venture deep into the jungles of Kal'thur to retrieve some sort of scattered piece of the original cross that would allow our web site to withstand an onslaught of lawyers.

Sounds like some Pagan balderdash to me. But Maxwell always has been a little on the unorthodox side. Not like we are back home - he'd get a stern paddling for such endeavors.

]]> Activate Main Battery! The trials and tribulations of the world of flesh never end. Satan is attempting to overthrow our proud tradition of freeing you from sin. Evil will not prevail! JETZT IST UNSERE ZEIT!

Be Sin Free, kids. Don't make me get old school disciplinary on you. We've got plenty of switches to cut.

In anticipation of our grand dispute over the Be Sin Free name, I have activated our e-defenses. Wish us luck! Though Maxwell claims we never need luck. We have THE LORD.

]]> Legeal Wranglin' The dispute over the coveted BeSinFree name continues! The latest email from Steve 'Hitman' Brezell:

Dear Reverend,

We never bluff. Unfortunately, applications for trademarks do not show up in the search. Once we receive our final paperwork from the USPTO we will send a formal request.

Thank you.


................................................
Steve Brazell
Designated Hitter
Hitman, Inc.
www.yourhitman.com

Las Vegas
098.765.4321

And my response:

Dear Mr. Braznell,

The Kaiser and I will await your formal request, then! Until then, more souls need saving. Perhaps even yours? The life of an Internet strong-arm must certainly bring about regrets over trampled dreams and forgotten birthdays.

Jesus, however, will never forget your birthday! Welcome him into your life and Be Sin Free.

Keep on Truckin',
Rev. Maxwell Custer

Then after The Kaiser and I performed a bit of investigation, we took the offensive:

Mme Brazell

I have been investingating this trademark dispute that has come between us. It seems that while you indeed did register besinfree.com in May, WE in fact registered besinfree.org in April, a full month before you. Feel free to check with godaddy.com, although as a certified servant of THE LORD I am obviously completely trustworthy.

When did you 'allegedly' register this trademark? Inquiring minds want to know.

Merci
Maxwell Custer

We here at BeSinFree.org are confident that THE LORD will not let us fall so easily. And remember, stay sin free!

]]> BeSinFree.org in Danger Friends, I come to you with worrisome news. Though BeSinFree.org was launched less than a week ago, already the legions of evil are attempting to derail our righteous work.

The threat comes from the site www.yourhitman.com, a page with sinfully long load times:

Dear Mr. Custer,

Thank you for helping bring souls to salvation.

Unfortunately, our legal team filed for Trademark before you attempted to register your .org designation. Our Copyright was in force at the same time. We guard all our trademarks and/or copyrights tenaciously and Be Sin Free will be no exception. We formally request a cease and desist and will notify all entities, including Cafepress.com and MySpace.com of the infringement.

I'm sure you will be able to find a successful alternative.

Thank you.

Steve Brazell

................................................
Steve Brazell
Designated Hitter
Hitman, Inc.
www.yourhitman.com

Las Vegas

123.456.7890

And here is my reply:

Dear Mr. Braznell,

My work freeing the world from sin is never done. I respectfully call your bluff and note that there is a difference between a Trademark and a Copyright, something a respectable internet hitman such as you should be aware of. Before starting my grand adventure in Internet absolution, I checked with the US Department of Copyright and the US Patents and Trademarks Office for any sort of prior work in the BeSinFree name. As no such works or registrations existed, I'm afraid that I now constitute prior art and have full rights to the name.

Keep on Truckin',
Rev. Maxwell Custer

Friends, this is the greatest threat BeSinFree.org has faced so far, but we will overcome! We hope to have your support, and remember to stay sin free!

]]> Myspace! http://www.myspace.com/besinfree, and don't be shy about adding us to your friends.]]> Welcome! Friends, welcome to BeSinFree.org, the number one sin absolution site on the net.

The way it works is simple. Just go to our 'Absolve' page, and click the Absolve Me button. You'll be whisked to our payment center, and after donating 1 dollar your request will be forwarded to our ordained minister. The minister will perform the sacred rituals, and your sins will be absolved quickly and easily over the internet!

So please, enjoy your stay at BeSinFree, and remember: its the next best thing to being a good person.

]]> The Wages of Sin The Wages of Sin? They are death. Not merely death, but death in the eternal embrace of Satan's fiery bosom. Not to scare you young folk, but Satan is out there and he wants your soul! In my country we call it the Teufelshunger - his eternal hunger for the souls of the damned. How do you ensure your spiritual safety? Well, don't sin. But I know how you kids have it nowadays with your Heroin and your Jeans and your Emm Tee Vee. If you have to sin, for the sake of Mary, mother of Jesus the Lord, absolve yourself! That's why we're here. So even if you sin, you can BeSinFree.

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